Episode show notes
Today, I had a good long cry. After, I was tempted to wallow in the afterglow of emotional release alone in the tub and then call it a night. But, something in me compelled me to share, so here we are.
But before we dive right in, let me introduce myself in case this is your first visit. Welcome to the Soulfully Confident Podcast! I’m your host, Emily Elizabeth, creator of the Soulfully Abundant Group Coaching program and certified Life Coach. This podcast is for the person who feels insecure, lost, and wants more from life but feels stuck. It is for their life. In this podcast, we will cover topics including self-love, managing your emotions, reconnecting in your relationships, and even manifestation. Remember, you are loved, you are worthy, and you are so capable of anything you want to achieve. Let’s jump in!
It’s time to address the moments when we’ve struggled with tough emotions -- self-doubt, fear, limiting beliefs, anything that doesn’t serve you and makes you feel small & incapable. I don’t know why it’s so easy to believe the horrible things you tell yourself, but then it’s so hard to believe in the good you know you have within. If you’ve ever spiraled out of control with your emotions, you’re not alone! Let’s get a handle on it together!
It might come as a surprise that as a life coach, I struggle with trusting myself and choosing a story that aligns with my core beliefs of self-love and growth, but that is 100% true. And I'm sharing how I remind myself every day to choose myself, again and again.
So, Why the Cry?
Great question. Nothing happened today that would cause a weep-fest. In fact, it was a pretty good day. I really felt fulfilled in my purpose, and privileged that my path was to help people forge their own. My work is to encourage clients to believe in themselves, and I had just worked with someone where I felt I had helped her achieve that.
Upon arriving home, I felt happy. But then, suddenly, my brain went rogue, and dark thoughts hijacked my happiness. Worry and doubt drop-kicked my door down and crashed my party. I felt like a passive observer as fearful musings fired at me out of nowhere. Thoughts like: “You’re a failure”, “Your goals aren’t attainable, at least not for you”, and “Good luck meeting those deadlines, imposter.”
What the hell? Where did that even come from? Why did my brain suddenly decide that emotionally eviscerating me would be a nice way to end the evening?
Something to Remember When Your Brain is Screaming Hurtful Things at You
OK, what do you do when you are single-handedly ruining yourself? You remember a few key things. These thoughts are not real. This part of your brain is a bully and a liar, born out of fear and based on chaotic emotion and nothing else.
This is all a defense mechanism; your brain trying to keep you safe from disappointment in a messed up, rude-ass way. If you let it in, if you let it snarl these stories and you start to believe them, then everything you do in that moment will be reactionary. You’ll be working from a place of fear and self-doubt - less-than-ideal conditions to live by.
Please don’t live your life according to this deceitful interloper, and be warned that amid the chaos it might tell you cutting bangs is a solution; it’s not.
In this FREE 3 day training, I will share with you exactly how I went FROM: insecure, 'fake it until I make it' mentality, and very lost in my relationship TO: crushing my goals, feeling in control of my emotions, totally empowered to go after what I want, and to being in a truly secure and satisfying relationship.
Name Your Feelings, Then Send Them Packing
So how do you defeat your own self-sabotaging insecurity? Well, to know what you’re up against, first you have to name it. “Myrtle '' had a nice ugly ring to it, but for my purposes with my own freakout, I went with that timeless bastard, ''Doubt.”
Now, this may be a little out there, but it’s very effective for me to talk to the offending sentiment. I consciously step out of the negative story that’s on loop in my head and observe it. I take deep breaths and ask the story what it’s trying to teach me.
I keep breathing, and I let the emotion speak to me throughout my body. In opting out of the cyclical panic, I’m able to tap back into God’s love as I invite that love to flow through me. At that moment any doubt was dispelled and I felt only peace.
In remembering that I am strong and beloved, I was able to shut down the loop of fear ringing in my head. Because here’s the thing; I get to choose what I believe in, about life and about myself. And so do you. And tapping into that infinite source of love from a spiritual connection is a conscious choice.
Panic, the Return
I was finally calm and content, when, like an infomercial from hell, doubt returned. Get a second dose of paralyzing fear right before you try to sleep, just pay shipping and handling!
Again a resounding chorus about how I wasn’t doing enough, giving enough, or just... enough, took over the flow of my thoughts.
People think learning to believe in yourself means you vanquish fear and doubt once and for all, and never feel anything but happy ever again. And people seem to think that since I’m a life coach, I must have it all together all the time, and I’m never anything other than content.
False. I still have moments where I doubt everything I am (clearly). The difference is, I don’t listen to the scary stories my mind tries to tell me.
I know those tales are tall, but even so, I don’t resist hearing them. I acknowledge and let them pass, like an annoying flu bug. And I remember that I am connected to everything light and good through love.
You Choose How You Talk to Yourself, and the Stories You Believe: The Bottomline
I know you may not like this takeaway, but the work is never done, for any of us. But, take heart, because the more you practice acknowledging negative self-talk and then letting it go, the easier it gets.
Just practice tuning out the doubt and instead choose to believe in the good stories your mind tells you. Choose to believe in yourself, and whatever source of higher energy you look to for guidance.
This is an ongoing journey, and some days will be easier than others, but you always have a choice.
There is always going to be something to work through; beware of a “destination” mindset. The belief that once XYZ happens, your life will be in alignment and you can embark on a mission of self-improvement.
There is no destination, just pauses among shifting seasons of our lives. And the work in between is what makes us human. The journey is being human. And all the while, you have the chance to choose yourself, life, relationships, health, etc, over and over.
The trick seems counterintuitive, but it works. The key is not to flee or fight when struggles come along. Allow yourself to feel what you’re feeling. Observe the emotions in the moment. Talk to them, and see if you can figure out why they’re happening. And then, let them go. This is processing. This is growth.
Trust the universe and surround yourself with people who inspire you. Just believe it’s possible to trust your journey, and before you know it, you’ll have an unshakeable trust in yourself.
Sure, there will be times when doubt creeps in, but what an opportunity to practice making a conscious choice to love yourself through it.
I hope this post helped you believe that the choices you make have an impact and that being kind to yourself is the ultimate way to grow. Remember, only you have the power to decide how you treat yourself, so choose wisely.
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About your host
My name is Emily Elizabeth, I am a life and confidence coach, and I am ready to help you take back your confidence and feel in control of your life.
I love helping women get out of the victim mentality, find their self-worth, and reconnect with themselves so they can not only improve themselves but all their relationships. When I am not creating content for my clients and programs, you can find me on a spontaneous trip with my husband, working out, curled up with my journal, or spending time enjoying the outdoors.
What I want to do for you all today is a little guided meditation, visualizations, and affirmations that I say a lot to myself and guide my clients through as well.