My husband came over to me as I was sitting on the couch. He hovered over me, and with a bit of a mischievous smile asked in his thick Dutch accent “Honey, is this the happiest you have ever been?”.
I paused and grinned at him, knowing he was serious in asking but also very playful because I know him and I know the next thing he wanted to say was “I mean, clearly honey, look who you married…” So i beat him to the punch and said “Well, I know this is the happiest you have ever been, lucky boy, you married me!” We teased back and forth, but then we really talked about it. I told him “yes”.
I am the happiest I have ever been. I really meant it and I took some time when he left for work soon after to sit and think about this. This is what I came up with.
I am not the happiest I have ever been because of what is going on in my life right now. It isn’t because I found my passion in my work as a Life Coach, it isn’t because I got married, because I live abroad, because I am healthy, because I can work from anywhere and can see my family often or because I get to travel the world and make money while doing it. Nope, not because of that. Although, I am super grateful for all of those things and give thanks for them daily.
I am the happiest I have ever been because I am choosing to be. Happiness is a choice. It is an emotion that is generated by our thoughts. Our thoughts are a choice, we get to choose how and what we think. I have learned to do this well. I have learned to get in touch with my thinking, become aware of those sneaky, old, limiting, negative thoughts that didn’t serve me for so many years and done the work to change them. Am I completely enlightened? No. Will I ever be? Probably not. I am human and I will allow it. Allow the hard days, the days of angst and overwhelm, sadness and a feeling of depression...Yes, I will allow it with no judgment and still choose to be the happiest I have ever been in those moments too.
Wait what?! Happy when you are sad, anxious, overwhelmed, depressed? That is weird and doesn't make sense. Let me explain. I don’t mean happy as in ‘big smiley face with enthusiastic energy’ coming out of me when I feel these emotions. I mean happy because I am allowing them with not judgment, with contentment that this is part of the human experience. I can feel sad and overwhelmed and still find the good in it, the learning lesson, the amazingness that I can feel all emotions and still be okay.
I seek for the good in everything. I find gratitude in everything. This has been a practice I have done for years, but really embodied it recently, through this work. I get to be happy in every moment, even amidst sadness and angst, because I choose to be. Is it different than the typical idea of happy? Sure. But is it still one of my versions of happy? Yes.
If that doesn’t make sense to you, it is okay, it really doesn’t have to because it makes sense to me, it serves me.
A little dose of happiness in my depressed days, anxious days, sad days. I allow all those emotions t with the little portion of happiness along with it because I get to experience every emotion and I find gratitude in that.
You can have different versions of happy. I have many and I try to carry one with me all the time.
With Love,
Emily Elizabeth